A year or so ago I made the decision not to drink during the week. I found that even just one cocktail in the evening affected my mood negatively, diminished my performance in the gym, slowed my metabolism, made me want to snack and kept me from sleeping through the night. I felt great for the time that I held strong and was crushing my goals! Buuuutttt, a few months into my new lifestyle, a weeknight event popped up that I just couldn't miss.
Long story short, not only did I have Ah cocktail, I had several and spent the whole night hugging the toilet and dry heaving the next day. My hangover lasted days and I wasn't able to be the parent that I strive to be, train my clients well or crush my workouts. In fact it took me a full week to get rid of the brain fog and lethargy that comes with dehydration/alcohol poisoning. I also spent the next few weeks feeling an incredible amount of shame because I lost control.
After a few weeks of negative self talk I decided to get real and think about why I'd felt the need to drink so much. Through journaling, meditation and talking with a friend, I discovered that I was feeling anxious about going out in the first place. I was afraid that my friends would think that I couldn't "hang" and that I'd lost my edge and felt disconnected from my social group. Because I was focusing on my business and fitness goals at the time of the incident I had alienated myself from my friends. Mama was lonely, lost and insecure. It's a lonely road when you decide to change your life! So, I unconsciously called upon old habits to deal with these feelings.
Nelson Mandela said "I never lose. I either win or I learn." This saying has become one of my lighthouses as I work on becoming my highest self. When we're able to see failure as a learning opportunity and not a reflection of who we are, we'll be able to build strength, perseverance, and real coping skills. Please do not use failure as a reason to continue to fall short of your potential.
Changing who you are is hard. It's scary to think that you might lose people on your journey too. But at the end of the day, this is YOUR life...living out your truth requires that you fall off the dang wagon, dust yourself off, get back on and focus on where you're headed. Some people might not be able to get back on the wagon with you. That's ok, you have to keep on, keepin' on. Each time you fall off you'll learn to get back on faster until eventually you catch yourself before you fall. But friend, you need to practice falling to practice getting up.
Thanks for reading,
There's a song for that: "Get Up 10", Cardi B (if profanity bothers you, you may want to choose the sensored version ;)